Life is really dragging right now

Wed Aug 15th, 2001 10:46:10 PM EST

Diary Entry 32
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It seems like all the exciting things are either in the past or the future right now.

Poll: Sandwiches.

Last week I went camping with Sarah and hung out with friends quite a bit. And this weekend the Michigan Renaissance Festival starts up again for the 2001 run. But this week really stinks. First of all I haven't been able to get out of the house because my sister has needed the car all week. And beyond that, I can't get in touch with any of my friends, and when I can, they can't go out or don't want to. What's more, I'm getting bored with my current programming project. I just want to get it done so I don't have to work on it anymore. I've even run out of interesting books to read.

I want to hang out with Sarah some more, but she's not home right now. I want to take her to RenFest this weekend, and she's said she wants to go. I hope I can find her sometime tomorrow or Friday then. She's as much fun to be around as anyone I know. Other people I tell about something that's worth going to and they say ``oh, I guess we could do that sometime'', but Sarah says ``can we go now?'' I like that. Actually that's what I told her last week Monday night, and I was happy when she returned the compliment. It's almost too bad that I'm moving all the way to California in September, but I suppose I can make some new friends out there, eventually.

This is not the way the summer was supposed to go. I was supposed to spend three months in the Netherlands working on an interesting project, not living at home. I do not like living here at home. It's not even because I don't like my family or anything like that. It's just embarrassing; I feel like a failure living at home at age 22, even if it is only for the summer, even if it is probably the last time, even if it is only because my original plans went awry, even if I am going off to grad school (at Stanford of all places—-I still find this hard to believe) in fall.

I guess I just need to work through it all somehow. Next week will be better, I'm sure. I'll probably get back some enthusiasm for my work after I get through the right-threaded tree chapters. I'm still not sure whether they're worth including at all, but I've stated publicly that they'll be in there and don't want to back out now. I do wish that some people would send me actual comments about libavl (what I'm working on); I get the impression that no one really gives a damn and that all my work is going to waste. That would be doubly sad because I gave up doing any paid work for about three months so that I could finish working on it. I could have made several thousand dollars in that time.

On a lighter note, I've rediscovered that I like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Last week I had the first one I'd had in maybe 10 years, and it was surprisingly good. So I bought some peanut butter this week—-no one else in the house likes it—-and I've had a few more sandwiches. Mmm!

Last updated 03 Apr 2004 21:17. Copyright © 2004 Ben Pfaff.
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