Another Term Break

Sun Dec 16th, 2001 03:16:22 AM EST

Diary Entry 65
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The time between school terms should be more fun than other times, because there isn't any school work to do. It's too bad that that isn't the way it works out.

The problem is that the friends I do have are at school, and everyone goes home for the breaks. When I was an undergrad, this was because we had to leave: the dorms closed. Now that I'm a grad student, it's because everyone wants to leave. I'm even going away myself for a week, starting this Thursday.

Loneliness is really starting to get to me now. It was barely tolerable before, when there were people around, but now that campus is deserted, it's even worse. What is wrong with me that I can't make friends like other people seem to do? I'm so tired of being alone.

It's not like I don't try. I go to coffee shops and drink coffee and hang out. I go to bars and drink beer and hang out. I go to club meetings and fencing practices and everything else. And I never, ever actually meet anyone.

I am reminded of what a female classmate told me back in high school. She said that I am ``unapproachable.'' Well, it's not intentional. What the hell can one do to become ``approachable''?

While k5 was down, I managed to find myself a Ph.D. advisor. I will be working with Mendel Rosenblum, one of the founders of VMware. His area of research is, predictably, virtual machines. He just returned full-time to Stanford after three years at VMware, so he has few projects currently under way. This means that I'll get to help initiate new projects, which should be nice. Not that I object to helping out with ongoing projects, but it's nice to start something new, too.